Parenting isn’t for wimps

*I wrote this post weeks ago and forgot about it. I found it sitting in my drafts and God knew I needed to be reminded of what I knew in my head but needed to know in my heart once again.

One of the hardest things in parenting is to watch your kids grapple with life and faith. It’s incredibly awesome and incredibly scary all at the same time. We’ve always wanted our kids to be able to talk openly about hard things especially with their faith. To create a safe environment to ask hard questions and sort through stuff without always tying it up neatly in a bow. I think that’s what is the hardest thing for me. I like neatly tied boxes. Slap a pretty bow on that thing and call it done. But life often times just doesn’t work that way.

I remember asking my Dad when I was a Senior in high school to just tell me where to go to college and I would go there. The toil I was experiencing in trying to decide was so overwhelming and I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. I respected him so much and knew he was a wise man and trusted him to tell me what to do and where to go. Initially, it disappointed me that in his wisdom he wouldn’t tell me where to go. Instead, he taught me how to explore colleges and make a pro’s and con’s list and to pray and wait for God’s direction. And that’s what I did. And then he and my Mom fully supported and encouraged me in that decision. I’ve never forgotten that conversation and process.

High School years are huge years for kids forming their identity and asking hard questions about life. Adopted children especially have deep-rooted questions about rejection and abandonment. I’m learning that listening is key. Sharing Biblical truth in small pieces is important because preaching is what they probably expect. Sometimes in not wanting to come across as “preachy”, I hold back in sharing what needs to be spoken. So I’m working on that. Praying for that balance of listening, coaching and giving space but also speaking life-giving and freeing truth. The other part of my problem is that my truth speaking can come out so very tactless often times. I see it in people’s eyes when I’ve crossed that line and said something true but too direct or at the wrong time. Just the other week I saw this in my text message to a new friend. She just moved here and they’ve experienced sickness, dog getting run over, trying to renovate their house and just hard stuff all at one time. I texted and said, “Girl, you are so drowning in the deep end right now.” Really? Those were my words of refreshment? So yeah, often times I’m having to apologize for my words and attitude.

So I encourage you while I speak this truth to myself: God loves our kids more than we do. He is capable of leading them and guiding them. It doesn’t all fall on us. What a relief. Our God is personal and active and if our kids know him personally then they have direct access to their God. He is sufficient and can handle their questions. Can we?