We were newlyweds living in a tiny apartment with hardly any money but living on top of the world. The church we were attending was feeling more and more like home yet this one Sunday morning we decided to stay in bed instead of going to church. This was completely uncharacteristic of us. Neither of us could remember a time of simply not going to church because we didn’t want to. It’s not that we were sick or anything. We just wanted to sleep in and not go. And we felt so very naughty for missing church.
That night we got ready to go to church so we wouldn’t get struck by lightening and I started feeling so guilty for not going that morning. Once we got to church I didn’t make eye contact with any of the pastors but on the way out of church we got cornered by one of the pastors. He shook our hand and before he could even say good- bye I spouted out an overly gushing explanation of why we missed church. I confessed everything to him as if he was on the other side of a black curtain and I was giving details of a freshly committed homicide. After backpedaling and explaining in effort to regain approval he held up his hand and said with such grace and kindness in his eyes, “It’s okay, no need to explain. We’re just really glad ya’ll are here tonight.”
I’ll never forget feeling so free and released of condemnation and judgement.
At this time in our lives we both struggled with legalism which roots itself in the fear of man. I cared mostly about what others thought of me rather than being awed by the staggering truth that God loves me lavishly and died for me in the midst of my sin.
It’s easy to fall into worrying about what others think of us. The thought of not measuring up can be an overwhelming thought. Satan continues to use this tactic to bring down Christ followers. Because if we can constantly worry about what others think of us then our focus becomes more and more on us than on Jesus. And the more self-concerned and consumed we become the further we drift from our true standard of comparison.
If we look to any person other than Jesus to be our standard of comparison we will continually fall short and live in exhaustion from trying to keep up and be accepted. But when we look to the one who has already declared us righteous because of His work on the cross we will experience amazing freedom. Freedom that releases the grip of having to strive for approval and perfectionism. It’s a freedom that isn’t shocked when we mess up. This freedom helps us extend grace to others when they make mistakes as well and it offers forgiveness. The understanding of God’s love and the letting go of the fear of man erases the need to wallow in shame and guilt because there is no condemnation for those of us in Christ Jesus.
Extreme legalism responds to a young couple who missed church and cautions them at first chance with, “Now don’t go getting any ideas like it’s okay to start sleeping in on Sunday mornings.” Because if a legalist gives a grace filled response then the sleeping in couple could take that freedom and run with it. It could become a pattern. Legalism is fear based. Decisions, choices and statements are made out of fear of what could happen. And so we help God out by adding extra measures of protection. We set the standard even higher than God does and there’s a heavy emphasis on correction and taking pride in that correction. I see this in legalistic parents all the time. They brag about how they discipline their children and don’t let them by with an ounce of anything.
The other extreme of legalism is “anything goes” thinking. Accountability and holiness don’t matter because grace covers it all. And this is not a healthy place either. That’s taking advantage of God’s grace and using it as an excuse for our sin.
Looking for the perfect balance between extreme legalism and grace abuse isn’t the answer as much as we like to look for the perfect landing spot.
Loving Jesus and staying in awe of his redeeming forgiveness will free us from both legalism and grace abuse. When everything we do is filtered through the lens of Jesus’s love for us, in the midst of our mess, it helps us let go of concerns and worries of what people think. It also keeps us from doing anything we want to do because the love of Christ constrains us to do his will and not ours. His love inside of us propels us to desire community with other believers so the temptation to stay in bed and miss church is a non-factor. Yeah maybe there are some missed Sundays here and there but not a big deal because in our hearts we know we are designed for that connectedness and we show up because of that. As the love of Jesus invades our hearts the external things will land in right and good places.
Letting go of the fear of what others think of you is one of the greatest things you can let go of. Walk in that freedom without looking over your shoulder because Jesus paid a tremendous price for it.
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