When your kid is left out

Mamas out there I just want to say hang in there when your kid is overlooked or not invited. Catch your breath. While it probably always feels intentional most often it’s not. Sometimes it’s simply practical. Just can’t invite everyone. I’m not all rainbows and unicorns though. I know that people are purposefully excluded also. Any reader who is still reading has experienced not being invited. And it’s hard. Flat out hard. For kids and adults. 

What I want to say is this: We have a choice in how we handle these things. After processing the initial sucker punch you may feel on behalf of your kid or yourself I want to encourage us to respond with grace as much as possible. Sure, have the conversation about exclusion and graciously call it what it is. But work hard not to teach your child to be resentful when they’re not invited to something by how you respond to them not being invited. Try to present two sides of a situation to the best of your ability if you can. Not always possible but it’s helpful to try and see it from both perspectives. 

I’m glad that in all the schools our kids have attended – both Christian school and public school – there was a “must invite the entire class” policy if bringing party invitations to school. And we’ve kept that policy in our home as well. You don’t get to invite “some” of your class or Sunday School or whatever. It’s different if a friend comes over to play or spend the night of course. I’m talking about group parties and such. Everyone is included. It doesn’t matter if that person drives you nuts and you have nothing in common with them. They are human and they have feelings – they get to come. 

So it’s especially hard to purposefully include everyone, even when you don’t want to, and then not be treated that way. We’ve had our fair share of this but just what would be normal for anyone really.  I don’t want to come across all victim like. My point is to encourage us, Moms, to use the platform of an uninvite with our kids. To remind them their worth isn’t tied to that invite. That life isn’t fair. There will be other uninvites and it’s going to be okay. Of course, we can speak this truth until we’re blue in the face but only the Spirit of God can move them into a true understanding of their worth in Him. But we must keep speaking the truth. To ourselves and to our kids. Let’s validate their feelings of hurt but let’s not help them foster anger and resentment towards others. Heck maybe we can even go as far as to say that exclusion is good for us or at least revealing of what’s really going on inside of us if we’re honest.