I might lose all my friends and make people very mad but I’m willing to go there in case I reach one person who could be helped by this post. To help is what I desire most in this post. Not judgement. Not alarmism.
I’m not a cool parent and here’s why..
Our kids are 11 and 17. Prepare yourself……..they don’t have phones and they don’t have an Instagram or Snapchat account.
I feel like I need to quickly say that I don’t wear denim culottes, hate Halloween or stitch my own calico carrying bible cover.
Here’s why our kids don’t have Instagram or Snapchat:
Reason #1: “Instagram requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher). If your child is younger than 13 and created an account on Instagram, you can show them how to delete their account.”
Reason #2: see for yourself. (a sampling of public pictures pulled from my snapchat and insta under “discover people”) meaning you have no choice but to see this stuff when “scrolling” through your account. These are not people I follow – just what popped up when I went to scroll down my home page.
I have Snapchat and I have Instagram. I use Instagram daily and I enjoy it. And I avoid the “discover people” and only scroll through my home page where people I follow show up. I don’t use Snapchat often. I have it because I like to experiment with an app of that nature first so I can understand it before allowing the kids to have it. I’ve had it a year and still can’t get okay with it for my kids.
As a committed Christian adult woman I have to discipline myself not to swipe on certain images I see. Many of the images on insta and snapchat are not worthy of a glance. Sometimes it’s like “oh that’s gross I’d never click on that” other times if we’re honest it’s harder to not click.
Our kids are still developing. They are forming their identity and their Christian world view. It’s a critical age for them. Personally, I don’t want my girl going to the images above and out of curiosity clicking on “Science says this is the perfect body.”
The world, who does not love & follow Jesus Christ, does not get to tell my girl what the perfect body looks like. They also don’t get to talk to her about “what she never learned in sex ed.” Instagram images will not have a voice in my daughter’s life right now. Later, yes. Now, no.
As the Mother of a young man still developing and learning to respect women I don’t want him to see countless images of women falling out of their string bikinis or an up close and personal picture of the same chick doing a downward dog. This doesn’t help him in his fight for purity. And I don’t expect the world to help him out in his fight for purity. I’m not mad or shocked that these pictures are posted – it’s what I would expect from our sexually driven culture. But all the more reason for us as parents to step in and help. We can put guardrails in place that our kids wouldn’t on their own.
Our son will get an instagram account soon and I pray he’ll keep practicing the discipline of guarding his eyes. We’ve had 17 years to guide him and prepare him for these things. His Dad has been strategic in conversations with him. His youth pastor has also helped prepare him in ways as well. He’s ready. But we haven’t had that long with our daughter. We have more conversations that need to come but those conversations need to come when we are ready to have them with her – not forced at an early age because she saw stuff on her insta feed. We’re getting closer to those conversations.
I understand that we need to take responsibility for what we look at. There is accountability that should be in place but friends we are handing our kids literally thousands of pictures that are inappropriate to view as a Christ follower. And then we’re asking them to sift through and only look at the small percentage of decent pics. It doesn’t really work that way. They’re all lumped in together. You have to sift through the Tabloid type pictures to see the good ones. And we know how easily distracted young eyes can be.
Kids are curious. We’re handing them the fire to play with.
Private accounts are good for Instagram but it doesn’t eliminate the problem with exposure to everyone else’s pictures. You can’t unsee those images and for guys their mind is like a visual rolodex.
There’s so many more issues related to Snapchat, Kik, Instagram etc. that some would argue are way more dangerous than what I’ve pointed out. Snapstreak addiction is real. Sexting is more common than you’d think among Christians. Exploitation and cyber stalking and bullying is real and these are easy platforms to foster all of these things. There are countless pedophiles posing as teenage girls on social media platforms to target sex trafficking victims.
Think I’m going crazy church lady on you? Check out these vids….one of them right in our neck of the woods.
It’s serious ya’ll. It’s not popular to not allow your kids to have a cell phone or be on social media sites but I think it’s a battle worth fighting. Not all battles are. And trust me I’ve asked myself countless times is it worth it because it’s so.stinking.hard. But in my heart, for our kids, I know it’s right.
We’re probably not going to allow our kids (who are currently 11, 8, and 2) smart phones of their own until they’re 18. Once they start driving, we may let them have an old-school flip phone for emergencies. So, we’re the cool parents right alongside you! 🙂 Thanks for sharing this.
I should have said – smart phones or social media accounts. 🙂
Melody, I think you’re absolutely right on every point, and I admire your firm stance! They’ll be up and gone and making their own choices before you know it. Then you won’t or shouldn’t have any regrets because you did the right thing now. Hang in there!