The local church is one of my loves on this earth because I think it reflects God’s brilliant creativity and love for his people all mixed together in a moving and active place called the church. It’s such a gift to be a part of a healthy church.
This week I did quite a bit of writing about how the church has struggled to understand people within her walls that struggle with mental illness. I’m included in those of us who have misunderstood and have probably inadvertently hurt people along the way.
We talked about ways the church can help in previous posts. I’ve referred you to some good reads and now I want to delicately talk about something I see from a unique angle as being a pastor’s wife when it comes to mental health issues and the church.
I’m reading where often times church members with mental health issues feel betrayed by the church or have left the church because they feel they or their child was treated unfairly. They express feelings of loneliness and disconnectedness. They feel nobody understands how they feel or what they are going through. So they leave because “the church hurt me” or “the church just wasn’t there for me”.
Because of the stigma associated with mental health and the embarrassment that seems to be attached to it people don’t want to talk about their mental health issues. If they do share with one of their pastors almost always they ask you to keep it confidential. This places the gift of encouraging, praying with and visiting someone on one single person and that’s unattainable and not healthy. And there are many other people in the church who, if they also knew, would love to offer encouragement and support.
I have a suspicion that if one person shared his/her story of depression, of suicidal thoughts, of fear and anxiety that others would soon follow that have had similar issues. Another wonderful aspect of one person sharing their struggle with others is that you now have a collective group of people sharing the gift of bearing their burden. Instead of one person in the church praying you now have a group of people praying, encouraging, reaching out, etc. To feel loved on by a group of people is a beautiful thing.
But if the church doesn’t know the church can’t offer support and encouragement in the full capacity that it could if more people knew. And people in the church need to know how to respond and encourage with grace. Sometime we get scared and run the other way. Jesus never did this so if he’s our leader we need to see how he embraced people where they were with great love while speaking truth.
If you are sitting in a church service, ladies event, mens breakfast, small group, etc. and someone shares with you or your group that they are struggling with depression or that they are bipolar and in a funk right now please please please recognize that this is a huge risk they just took in sharing this information.
It’s a gift that they shared this with you. Treasure it carefully and respond with grace. Thank them for sharing that information. By all means don’t distance yourself from him/her. Send a note later in the week. Pray for them. If you notice they drop out of church for an extended period of time call them up. No, you didn’t ask to be invited into their problems but God just divinely allowed you to be welcomed in. He will help you take that next step. This is what church looks like.
Maybe a referral to a counseling agency is a needed next step. Don’t know of one? Ask your church if they have a resource information sheet of counselors and helps in the area. If they don’t then call around. Sometimes people don’t even have the strength and mental capacity to do the research. Do it for them. Give them options. You can’t make the call for them but you can do some leg work on their behalf.
Someone who has shared something deeply personal to their church doesn’t need a sermon preached at them. They need love. They need a listening ear. They need follow up. They need scripture read to them because they can’t even muster the strength to focus on one verse but they can listen to it. I did this with a godly lady struggling with deep depression. She loves God’s word and is an avid student of God’s word. In her deep pit of depression and overwhelming anxiety she wanted scripture read to her. To my knowledge she hasn’t shared about that time of deep depression with people in her church and we never talk about “that time” either. I can understand this I guess. Who wants to go back and remember their darkest days and talk about it. But so often we’re told in scripture to “remember the right hand of God” and “remember the ways of the Lord”. I don’t know about you but the times I see the right hand of God the most are the times I’m at my weakest. So as I remember the how God intervened, comforted and helped I’m also brought back to a dark place of great need and weakness. As hard as it might be maybe we’d do good to talk more about those days. It’s likely we’ll see God right there in the middle of it even if at the time it didn’t feel like it.
The thing I’m struggling with is when people blame the church for hurting them when what actually hurt was the truth being shared with them. A healthy church is constantly sharing truth with each other. Sometimes it’s through the preaching of Gods word on Sunday mornings and other times it’s in small groups in the week. Sometimes it comes in the form of corrective discipline, as Proverbs puts it, which is the way to life (Proverbs 6:23). This could involve someone with mental illness but it doesn’t have to be.
It’s wise to evaluate a church’s part in helping or hurting families with mental illness. We need a correct starting point in looking at these issues. But I also feel the need to say that there are many times that the church is doing it right but the blame is still placed on the church for failing these families.
For instance, Mama bear comes out when little Johnny is temporarily suspended or asked to leave the youth group for not abiding by basic ground rules. If Johnny was raging and beat someone up I’m sorry but there’s natural consequences that still need to take place even if you have a mental illness. Hopefully these times are dealt with grace and love and walking with the family through it. But I don’t think there should be blame placed on the church for enforcing ground rules even when someone with a mental illness can’t or won’t abide by those ground rules. Situations like this can actually go well resulting in restoration and the person re-entering. But it doesn’t always go that way.
I see gaps and misunderstandings on both sides of the mental health issue but mostly I’m encouraged that we are talking about these things. I believe Rick and Kay Warren have had a huge impact on the church in relation to mental health issues. They lost their son to suicide in 2013 and she now shares their story and it has opened up others to share their story.
May we keep striving in our learning and growing in these things.
Mental Health and The Church – Part 1
Mental Health and The Church – Part 2
** Leave a comment if you’d like to enter to win the book Mental Health and The Church. Come back by Thursday, March 8th to see if your name was drawn and be sure to leave me your mailing address please. **
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