Horrifying Handbag Shopping Experience

It was supposed to be a fabulous day of picking out my long awaited and saved up for handbag. And I mean a nice handbag. I’m the kind of handbag girl that changes out her purse twice a year. Spring/Summer bag and a Fall/Winter bag and that’s it. And usually it’s a cute but cheap bag by 9 West or something like that however I’ve had the bug lately to get a nice purse. That’s why I say “handbag” because if it’s more than $80 it becomes a handbag in my opinion. And I was ready with my Christmas and Birthday money saved up to make the plunge it get a nice handbag.

I had already picked out my Michael Kors handbag online but wanted to save the $12 in S/H so I drove to the mall to purchase it. And it goes with everything so I loved it.

But when I went to purchase it the lady says to me, “That’s not an every day bag you know.” I was like what do you mean? She explained that it doesn’t hold up well and really should only be used for special occasions. So that stopped me in my tracks. I had to pick out a new bag.

Two hours later this poor lady was still unlocking purse after purse for me to try on. I was stuck between a cross body UGG bag that I loved with all my heart but it was more money than I had in pocket. Finally to just get rid of me she offers me 10% off the bag that never goes on sale. She unlocked it a third time for me and I threw it over my shoulder and decided it looked too much like the Liz Claiborne bag my Mom used to carry in the 80’s. I wasn’t going to pay several hundred bucks to go old school all of a sudden. So we started venturing into the Coach bags which I’ve always sworn I would never carry because so many people do. But I found myself looking and liking their bags.

I should mention that at this point I’m having a huge hot flash. I wore this thick turtleneck sweater because it was 6 degrees outside. I know better than to wear a sweater at all but I figured the 6 degree thing would be an exception. Nope, I was starting to sweat bullets. I had to take it off. So I did. And what I had under it was an apricot colored tshirt that doubles as a sleep shirt for me. I just wore it because the sweater was scratchy. So now I’m browsing Coach bags in a pajama top and brown sweatpants. Lovely.

I find a fabulous Coach bag and throw it over my shoulder admiring it when the lady grins and says, “Honey, you’ve got it backwards. You want the ‘coach’ to show.” I’m pretty sure it was in that moment she realized I wasn’t really a Coach or Michael Kors bag wearing chick. But that was okay because I was about to show the world I was going to be. I found the largest red handbag you’ve ever seen in your life. I told the lady I’d have to find stuff to fit in it and she said, “Well, then that eliminates that bag.” I said, “Oh no, I can put my study Bible in it and a bible study handbook along with my computer on days I take it places and I can throw in some of the kids toys. I’m buying it.” She runs to the stock room really fast in case I were to find something else while waiting like I did the other two times. Ya’ll I almost bought a cobalt blue bag for an every day bag. Who does that! She comes back and I tell her, “Hurry up and swipe my card. I’m just ready to get out of here and I know you’re ready to say buh-bye to me.” She hands me the largest Dillard’s bag they have and inside is my new snazzy red Coach bag that I will be packing every single day of my life for the next 30 years. At least that’s what I told myself to justify the purchase that cost close to our monthly grocery bill.

I grabbed the massive bag and ran upstairs to check out the kids sales. While I was there I found some great deals on stuff for Sophie but I noticed I had this unsettled feeling in my stomach. I kept looking at the bag that carried my handbag. It was HUGE. My hand was tired from carrying it and there wasn’t even anything in it yet. This was just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I could not pay that much for a handbag nor could I find enough earthly treasure to put in it nor could I see using solid red as my every day color.

So still wearing my pajama top with scratchy sweater and huge bag in hand I peer down to the first floor to see if the lady that spent her entire morning helping me was still there. Yes, I see her. I would have to wait and casually stalk her from the second floor until she left for lunch and then make a run for it. She finally leaves and I run down the escalator and throw my bag on the counter and say, “I’d like to return this handbag. It’s just not quite large enough.”

The lady looks at me and isn’t sure if she should laugh or not. I held a straight face and was hoping with all my might the lady who helped me would not show up on the scene. Thankfully she never did. It felt good to see the money go back on my credit card. And I practically ran out of that store. I knew I was saying my goodbyes to Dillard’s. I would never show my face in that store again. Ever. If I did I’d at least have to have matching pajama bottoms.